Sure, we picked the USA to capture Gold after watching them trounce the first few also-rans in exhibition games. But after witnessing them struggle against Russia, and especially over Australia (Aussie, Aussie, Oi! Oi!), we're doing an about-face. And here's why:

Sadly, it's the same problem we spoke about, oh, four years ago.

It's simple: The USA is made up of a collection of superstars. Note: a collection of superstars is not a team, nor does it look like they ever will be.

The truth is, it's not natural: to ask these guys, who star on their respective teams, to come in and be role players. Especially when they're not even sure which roles they're supposed to fill.

"Hey, let's just put all the talent in place and see how it shakes out." - Team USA theory No.1

Guess what? It ain't shaking out too well!

Sure, they all say they're willing to sacrifice. But how the hell can you teach an old dog a new trick? Namely, to give up their bone for the good of the team. In mind: yes. In instinct: no friggin' way. You CANNOT re-teach instinct to someone like Kobe, LeBron or Carmelo.

This is why the world has caught up to us. At least in basketball. Because they're coming to the court with roles clearly designated, their proper hierarchy in place. Team USA has no clue on this one. And don't look for them to get one between now and the Gold Medal game.

What could turn it around? One thing.

Chris Paul.

He's the born leader of this team, and you better give him the rock, and re-assign Jason Kidd to the bench (waving towels), or this team is going to be toast.

If Paul leads (and he looks raring to go), believe us, the rest of the troops will fall into place.

Second in Command: Dwayne Wade. He's the only other dude who is really bringing the energy, and he should get the nod over The Big Three.



If you can get those cats to give up the ego, and allow this to happen, and pray that we won't be sorry we didn't come with another true center, Team USA has a chance.

Without the adjustments...well, don't even come home, fellas. Yeah, a lifetime of fried scorpions and seal penis would suck. Hard. Fortune cookie say: You be pukin'.



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Patrick Mills from Australia is the next Tony Parker, but he's the 2.0 version. How about we just call him "Blow-by." I imagine Kidd/Paul/Williams didn't even get a license plate #.