1. STFU!

We don't care how "wasted!" you are. We came to hear the music, not you telling your best friend how "wasted" you are 45 times. And that goes for you, too, lady. We don't want to hear the idiocy out of your mouth either, no matter how hot you are.

2. STFUOYCP

STFU on your cell phone. Can you not leave that thing alone for two hours? I know, two hours is asking a lot. Five minutes? For example, see: Linus, blanket.

3. Don't take our f*cking seat

We may be a little late, but we're coming -- and would rather not look like a dickwad while we stand in someone's way while you pull your finger/ticket out of your ass.

4. Reefer Madness

If you're going to spend the whole night blowing chronic in our face, at least offer us a toke. We promise to spring for munchies.

5. Stage Fright

If you seize up and can't pee for a minute, you need to step away from the urinal and go to the back of the line. Just go. We tried to be silent for you.

6. Fight Club

Leave that sh!t in the driveway. Once again, speaking for most, easygoing, concert aficionados, we didn't show up for the night to be battered and bloodied. Last time we checked, MMA wasn't playing on the marquee.

7. Come Blow Your Horn

No, actually, don't. We're all stuck in the parking lot for an hour after the concert. Is it our fault you didn't save any chronic? Who's chillin' now, beeotch?

8. Don't Be a Hater

Even if you think the opening act sucks monkey balls, give him a hand or two, he's just trying to scrape by like the rest of us. Lighter salute anyone?

9. Get your camera phone out of our face

One or two pics is fine, but when it becomes a whole evening...Ever heard of being in the moment? BTW, what exactly separates your grandmother's photo albums from your digital collection? Other than the donkey balls. Yes! Your myspace page is f-ing lame!

10. Play or Pay

If we pay 75 dollars to see your ass live on stage, and the majority of your "live" time consists of you lying on the ground coughing up barbiturates, expect a bottle or two to land on your head. Ryan Adams, beware.

11. Learn to Recycle

If you do BYOB, don't leave it where the rest of us end up kicking it over. We don't want to have to pick the shards of glass out of our hippy girlfriend's bare feet. This is not an aphrodisiac.

SUMMING UP: All things considered: respect, and have fun. Just not at our expense. You have been warned! Oh, yeah, one last thing: When in doubt...STFU!

Om...

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Recommended reading: 11 Ways to be More of a Myspace Whore