If you're thinking about knocking on her backdoor...

Think twice. There are some girls who love it. But others who will never talk to you again if you try it.

What's she worth to you? Is she a possible keeper? If so, delay the backdoor plunge until you get to know her better, i.e., build some respect with one another. If she's not a keeper?

F-ck the respect. What do you have to lose?

But don't just try to force yourself in like you're Louie Anderson at the All You Can Eat Jenny Craig Buffet.

"Finesse," bro.

There's actually an easy way to tell if she likes ass play. Softly probe around down there with your fingers. A moan translates to: Yes please, continue with your probing. And, if she grabs your fingers, you'll know to withdraw from the cookie jar. No treats for you.

If we're talking about spanking, a totally different story...

When she was a child, did her parents...No, no, no, stop right there! We're not getting into this Freudian crap (no pun intended).

Spanking...

Try a real light one on her cheek when she's riding you. Once again, she'll let you know if you have the green light to go further, i.e., harder.

And, the grand finale?

We gotta tell you, it's a little weird going there. True, it's a tighter environment for Mr. Happy, but it just feels kind of strange when it's over. Like you just watched a David Lynch film (and you weren't even high!) and you have no f-ing clue what just happened.



"Your penis has doo-doo on it, that's what just happened."

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