It happens to every couple: sex gets boring, stale, routine, redundant, and, oh yeah, you can't get it up. And, unfortunately, it starts you thinking of what life could be like on the other side. The side that doesn’t include your current main squeeze.

You feel like you’re not getting your needs met and you want to try another p*ssy on for size. But hold on there, partner, this is called real life. Not some fantasy movie bullshit. And before you make the call to scour the seas for another whiff of tuna, we're here to offer up some suggestions for keeping your sex life vital. Thriving. Flourishing. Fun. But first, a quick refresher course on why you’re getting that stray cat feeling in the first place.

To simplify, stripped down to its bare component, sex is pretty much about one thing: survival, the desire to perpetuate the species. Sex in a relationship gets old when your instinct wakes up one day and says: “Hey, I’ve been humping her like a rabbit for six months and have nothing to show for it.” (We’re talking babies here.)

And that’s when the feeling arises, and you start thinking of the possibility of fertilizing other seeds. Simple enough right? But wait, one more thing to back up our simplicity theory. You know why problems (i.e. your flaccid penis) occur when using a condom? Because your "being" knows there is no chance in hell at impregnation.

Sometimes the mind can fool it -- you know, you’re imagining banging a super model instead of your girlfriend -- and the condom thing can work, but eventually shrinkage is going to occur. It’s in this same vein, tricking Mother Nature, that we offer up a few sexual suggestions.

Keeping it Honest

We all have our hidden kinks. And, if we hope to explore those areas with our significant others, it’s probably best to discuss them before they’re brought onto the playing field. (You can’t just come out of the closet with her garter belt on now, can you?)

It’s your call when the time for this conversation is appropriate. It may be lying in bed after a healthy orgasm (and before Sportscenter), or it may be at dinner with a bottle of wine between you.

DO NOT be timid. Ask her if she has any desires you haven’t yet explored together. When she shies away, YES, you go first. But start slow. Don’t go right for the kinkiest thought in your sick mind (read: leave the gerbils out of it for now). Say something like: “I’ve been thinking about role playing” and take it from there.

Believe us, unless she’s a total prude, she’ll bite -- at which time you reel the conversation in naturally. If you’re already in bed, you might want to act on what you discover right then. You might have no choice, as Mr. Happy will probably be raring to go. If you’re having the talk over a bottle of wine, ask her if she’d like to delve into the areas discussed at a later point.

In either case, you shouldn’t jump right into the deep end.

Experimentation should be treated as a special ritual, it should be tantalizing, something which peaks your interest for a whole lot more.

Watering the Kink

Let’s say that one of her desires is to be dominated. Instead of jumping right in and cuffing her to the bedposts, equipping her with a ball gag and genital electrodes (which you can always work up to), once again, start slow. Let her taste the feeling of surrender, of being helpless.

An example would be to hold her hands firmly -- yet not too rough -- over her head when you’re entering her. You can then whisper something in her ear like “you’re mine now.” Then, see where it goes from there. It may be all you need to add that extra jolt of excitement to your play.

Or you may want to take it further, e.g., add a few light spankings. However, it’s imperative to discuss limits beforehand, because you don’t want to fuck up a good thing. And when dealing with something like BDSM, there are a ton of websites that offer proper guidance into the lifestyle.

But the main point is, regardless of what kinkisms you explore, take your time to water them properly. Let them grow and become a part of your relationship, not overwhelm it.

Beware the Threesome

You’re a guy, so, of course, the first thing out of your mouth when discussing turn-ons with your girl will be “threesome.” Don’t go there. Trust us. Usually best to go anywhere but there. This doesn’t rule out that you’ll never have a threesome. But if it is going to happen, best to let her be the one to initiate the action -- unless you want it to be two guys and her. In which case, she’ll be right with you.

The reason for not bringing it up is simple: jealousy. She might be bi-curious. But if you try to push her into it by telling her how hot her best friend is, she might get her feelings hurt and you might be out on your ass. If she does think her best friend is hot, and she wants to play with her, she’ll find a way to let you know. If she thinks you’re aching for another chick to make your relationship livelier, what’s that saying about your satisfaction in her? It’s kind of a Zen thang: let go in order to receive.

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You notice how we’ve made it this far without uttering that four letter word: L-O-V-E. And we suppose there’s a time and place for it. And that time is now. What is love? Ha! You expect us to answer that? Like we have any clue beyond the usual suspects. But we will tell you, after the sex fades, and the infatuation stage is over, that’s your window to explore what love may boil down to:

Companionship.

Sounds all mushy, we know. But if there is such a thing as a higher love, it’s rooted in learning how to care for our significant other, not banging the shit out of them. Although, hopefully, they still might enjoy that every so often.

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