Hey Guy Gang,

It's Randy Guy here, speaking for myself, and my main man, Little Kippy. We took a field trip to the mall this weekend in attempt to overhear, and break, the Almighty Chick Code. WTF is that?

You know what it is. You've heard it a hundred times. Whenever two of them walk by you. You're just not sure what all the bitching and moaning was about. Well, we got really, really close to the action, and we will now share it with you. Basically, this is what it's all about :

When she says: Oh, my god, he's such a blah, blah, blah, blah...

What she really means is: Oh my gawd, I can't believe I let him give me a facial.

When she says: You know, he said he was gonna call and blah, blah, blah, blah...

What she really means is: Because, I would, like, totally hang up on him if he did. And he's not getting his pearl necklace back.

When she says: All men are pigs and blah, blah, blah, blah...

What she really means is: Mainly the ones that don't call her back. Which includes, basically, all of them.

When she says: He promised me he would blah, blah, blah, blah...

What she really means is: She swallowed on the first date and she regrets the hell out of it.

When she says: He's so selfish, he would never blah, blah, blah, blah...

What she really means is: He refused to kiss her after she swallowed.

Yes, guys, there is so much to be learned from a day at the mall. You should try it some time. And, please, send us the code. One more thing: Don't let the blah, blah bring you down. At some point, someone's gonna invent a mute button for it.