My mind is on auto-pilot as I zip down the road, my body reverbing as if I just spent the weekend at OzzFest camped out next to 45-foot tall speakers. I have a companion riding shotgun and she’s got a big grin on her face – a female version of the Joker. Trust me, she isn't OD-ing anytime soon.

Both of us are “spent” and I am quite positive I registered more than a passing grade on the ole “jackhammer screw.” That's when she turns to me, like she’s just discovered a cure for AIDS, and exclaims, "Sex is a lot of work!"

My jaw drops, like some tweaked cartoon character, and I look at her dumbfounded for a few. Finally, “You think you’re worked over,” I say, “What about me?"

After all, I was the worker bee doing most of the strenuous stuff.

It’s like trying to figure out which is getting more punishment: the nail or the board it’s going into. I say the nail every time, but maybe I'm biased.

Now, mind you, I hadn’t experienced a workout of this magnitude since that dumbass 9th grade President’s Physical Fitness Exam. And, it makes me curious, so I ask her: "Why do women always like to get pummeled?"

She guffaws, loves the verbage, and what follows is an in-depth rap session (if only Dr. Phil allowed this much candor).

Dr. Phil: So, tell the studio audience, what is your problem?

Guest: Well, Doc, I'm just trying to figure out why women like to get f*cked really hard.

(Cue bouncers.)

My companion starts by asking me if this is a common phenomenon with other sexual partners. I smile, in the affirmative, and tell her that "harder” is one of the more common words that comes out of their mouths. I then ask her if that’s how she always likes it – rough-and-tumble. She wastes no time in answering: “Yup, the more aggressive the better.”

A quick tour through past sexual escapades and something definitely sticks out: I have to guestimate that at least half of my sexual partners weren’t able to climax unless I was nailing away at them as if I were working on the railroad all the livelong day.

Is this you, ladies? Do you find you love to hear the sound of the bed slamming against the wall like a 7.2 earthquake is rocking it? What about you, guys? How many times have you been there? Your tool helping to split apart California's San Andreas Fault?

Speaking for myself, I often prefer the slow, deep-thrust method. Because, I tend to believe that the incredible sensation of warmth you ladies make us feel, once we’re inside, is quickly erased when we start frantically mining for oil like a twanging, 10-gallon-hat-wearing Texan tycoon.

Then all there is is worry: Are you OK? Jesus, am I killing her? Should I call 911? Help! They never taught us this in school. And, maybe instead of the President’s Physical Fitness Exam, they should have. Oh right, it was called Sex-Ed, and a lot we learned in there: "This is the vagina and this is the penis. They make babies. Class dismissed."

Speaking of Sex-Ed, if you have an inkling to explore your sexuality beyond Men’s Health or Cosmo, I recommend Robin Baker’s compelling book, Sperm Wars. Here’s a quote:

"Rough-and-tumble sex play is a common element in the courtship of humans and many other animals...Such behavior has many facets, and all of them involve an interplay between mate selection by females and the display of quality by males ...On average, men who are physically able to overcome the final defenses of a female and achieve insemination leave more offspring than those who are not."

Now you know why a favorite female fantasy is based on rape play – of course, by someone who looks like Antonio Banderas. Damn that Antonio!

My only criticism is that everything Baker speaks of points to our instinctual motives. He focuses entirely on the "boning gene" and, in the process, neglects our alleged ability to rise to an Oprah kind of love.

But maybe, in reality, rough sex is just a thin veil disguising another truth: Men and women have become so confused with our roles, that we have a difficult time being intimate with one another.

Is "Love" just another four-letter word for F-U-C-K?